Sunday, March 5, 2017

Innate Calling

It’s been a while
Since I lost my sanity
Over your insanity to immerse
Myself, to feel more alive
To breathe the scents of paper
To selfishly indulge myself
For the call I always have been waiting
For the time, I always wanted to come to you.
It’s been a while since I felt you in my every breath
And beating of my heart,
It’s been a while, enough to surface
My fear of losing you, completely
In the scandal of so called ‘growing up’.
Yes, it’s been a while
Since I forgot to feel what it feels like
Having nothing but you.
It’s been a while since I wanted nothing
But you and only you.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017


She had a scar that runs deep
Ugly as it looked, the uglier story behind it.
She wanted to hide and world didn’t wish to see
Gross, scary and partly burnt face
The reason she was afraid to look at mirror
Hideous, hideous, hideous
“A thing of beautiful is a joy forever”
As John Keats echoed through the classic.
She looked last time at mirror
And made another scar on the wrist
A final scar, she needn’t be hideous anymore.

Saturday, December 3, 2016


“Cheche, close the windows and curtains.” Dema shouted from the kitchen.  Dema remembered the weather forecast predicting the powerful windstorm around evening.

“Yaya Ama.” She reluctantly stood up from sofa and her eyes still glued on TV, Cheche went to close the windows.

*Creak* *Creak* the window in altar room was playing a game. Cheche didn’t want to miss her favorite program, Doreomon. She pushed hard outside and pulled inside with full force.

“Careful Cheche, you will break the glass.” Dema’s audible words burrowed her ears.

“It’s not working, Ama.” She shouted back.

Dema came for her rescue. The wuthering sound was growing louder and scarier with passing time.

“Amaaa….”Cheche screeched abruptly hugging Dema, eight year old has been always afraid of the darkness.

“Shh….love…it will be all right.” Dema lit room with her cellphone torch.

“Ama, when is Apa coming home? I am scared.” Cheche asked following Dema while she went to fetch a candle.

“Soon, love.” Dema assured her daughter not letting her own anxiety show. Dogs howled wrecking her nerves. She tried not to be superstitious.

Time and again, she checked her phone and dialed repeatedly on same number. It was disconnected instantly. With the passing time and growing darkness, something inside her was gnawing her alive.


“Cheche….stay here. Seems Apa is back.” She hurried to the main door. Opened.

“Who is there?” Her heart sank lower and as she scanned the premises with torchlight.

“Bloody wind.” She tried to reassure herself.

“Ama, where is Apa? Who is at the door?”

“Love…Apa is coming soon. It was the wind slamming on the door.” She hugged her little one.

*Knock*Knock* Knock*

With each knock, she was gripped by fear. She felt heart shrinking in the darkness.  She hugged Cheche firmly.
“Ama, you are choking me.” Cheche whispered.

“Oh..sorry.” she freed her “Do you want to eat now?”

“I will eat with Apa.”


No network coverage, total blackout and her man was nowhere to be seen. Dogs howled again, louder this time.


“It’s Apa. I will open the door.” Cheche ran before Dema could stop her.

“Where were you, Apa? You know that I am scared of darkness, Ama too.” Cheche complained.

“I thought you wouldn’t come tonight.” Cheche continued.

Relieved, Dema went to set up dining table. She felt safe when her hubby was around. The rice was still warm in the rice cooker. She reheated the curry and boiled water in the kettle. Tshewang drinks abundance of hot water.

“Apa, when will electricity come?” Dema heard, Cheche has always been a daddy’s girl. When people mockingly made her to choose between Dema and Tshewang, Cheche always chose her father without a second thought.

“Ama..look..Apa brought doll of Elsa and Anna I asked last time.” Cheche came running to her. She wiped her hand and turned to Cheche.

A series of expressions played on Dema’s face; confusion, shock, fright and finally her knees gave away. She wobbly fell down, hot boiling kettle splashing on her, it barely made the difference.

“Ama, what happened?” Her daughter rushed; her left hand was as if holding another hand and in right hand, she was holding an imaginary doll she claimed her father bought. Eight year old saw what Dema didn't. But Dema understood what Cheche couldn't.

Party With Anushka

“Do you want me to hang up?” I heard him.

Silence. Long silence. Again silence.

“Hey….what do you want me to do?” He was exasperated.

Silence. Silence. It was cold outside.

I didn’t want to lie and couldn’t tell him the truth. The distance, abundance of silence, tinge of ignorance and little bit of indifference succeeded in pulling us off. I couldn’t blame time and space however it was a beautiful brief moment with a beautiful soul.

“You don’t have to say anything. I can understand your silence. It confirms everything. I am hanging up the phone.” The followed beep confirmed the break in our connection.

I was numb, at the same time relieved. The beginning and end of the 2016 seems to make me lose friends. Another ending, of course for the betterment. That’s what I always say. And it’s better than locking myself in the situation I can’t change. May be, I am thinking too much, what’s it called? Over thinking? Shhhh….I silenced my mind.

The cold was penetrating through my skin, clear sky with twinkling stars was still beautiful, faraway electricity illuminated village was still serene, and the pieces of my heart was again smiling. I almost heard them saying “You pulled off last time and this time also you can do it. No big deal.”

I reluctantly found agreeing to the voice from within, unbelievably.

The usual warmth of my cozy room was missing at that time. I switched on the TV and like a slap on my face, Anushka was brilliantly dancing on the breakup song from Ae Dil Hai Mushkil.

“Perfect!” isn’t it?

Yeah it is…PURRRFECCCTTTT. Not caring the fact of being non-dancer, I joined her club and danced my heart out. Thank god! Neighbors are out of station and I am all alone at home.

Friday, September 9, 2016

Pieces of Me

Juggling between work and writing is never easy. I almost quit writing for past few months, I thought I lost it like rest of the people. In college days, there were some University Bhutanese blogger whom I used to ardently follow owing to their fascinating posts and frequent updates. Then there was sudden brake on their blog, frequencies started to fall drastically, eventually few stopped writing completely or they stopped updating. I observed that those who stopped updating were one who started to work but there can be some exception like Aue Dawa Knight.  

Then after a graduation, I seems to be walking in their path. Firstly, I stopped writing on my diary because by the end of the day, I was both physically and mentally drained out. The work pressure is extreme; deadline and the work progress wedging me mercilessly, struggling to close gap between negligence and vigilance, learning from the scratch, etc. Works apart! Somehow my writings survived in the poetry and the prose on my phone. I am exhaustedly happy with what I could write even if it is barely a writing.

Got to catch up later…..Bye. Here are the pieces that kept me going. Love.

Thank You :D :D :D <3

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

After A Break

Greetings From Trashiyangtse!

When I sleep little earlier than usual, I woke up little early. Isn't that little obvious? Little early as in 2:47 am, then I realized I am starving with 'too scared to walk three steps' to grab something to eat. As I deny my stomach, my mind starts a serious marathon of all worst possible horror movies I watched and ghosts stories I remember. I feel creepy fingers at my back, ready to strangulate and choke me. The heaviness in heart get clogged in throat. Shortness of breath, stagnates life and the vulnerability at its peak. I can hear distant yet clear barking of dogs, to my relief. Then I realized I like noise better than the silence. Ironically, silence is the loudest thing I can hear, exceptionally wrecking my nerves.

In the wee hour I thought of all the thoughts swirling on my mind flourishing with the memories of yesteryear, nostalgic of those precious moments, forever sealed in heart. The moments faded in the chaos of life but something precious always remain buried in us. Then I begin the dissection of my likely future, not so pleased with where it is headed. Preoccupied with past and future, I was letting pass my present. I tamed my heart to concentrate on moments; the complete silence, total blackout and chaotic mind. The silence was broken by the chaos in my mind, the darkness conquered by the dawn of hope awakening in my heart. The shimmering hope was blazing with the positive thoughts I fed. It was in the darkness, I saw my soul clearly.

The chaos settled eventually to get replaced by the serenity of the moments of isolation from the world. In the process of building a shelter, I am building myself scratch by scratch and inch by inch.
Then I took my phone, dialled and I am greeted by sleepy voice “Hello! Isn’t little too late to call?”
“Not late to miss a person and let know.” I hear myself crackling with the million smiles.

Monday, May 30, 2016

Suicidal Romance

A sky asked me once
Why don't you come up?
I have moon, stars and sun
And you could be the one
A temptation was so strong
To be the one of the star
That the people will look up
At night, admiring
With millions of thoughts running
But I realised I have the universe
On the earth, a loving one;
Family, friends and a love.
Then I replied to the sky
Later, when the right time comes
Sooner or later but I will be one of you
For now, let me love you from the earth.