Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Women in 20s


To all the women in 20s who are still in a hangover from their teenage days and are reluctant to embrace womanhood as it scares soul out of you, I will tell you that you are going to be fine. You are going to gracefully bloom to woman, till then have patience and do not stress out.

Yes, losing your card of being a girl may be bit uncomfortable but you have just upgraded yourself as a woman, a responsible and a sensible one. Isn’t that rewarding? To tell you frankly, it isn’t, as it totally sucks as you are prematurely shoved all the things and you will hardly find a time to balance the transition of being a student to working lady. Yet, I will stamp my confidence and tell you that you are going to carry it with an epitome grace and you won’t let yourself question with uncertainties.

And one thing, never, I said ‘NEVER’ seek validation from others. If you need, just ask yourself. Their validation shouldn’t govern your life. You should be strong enough to make your own judgment.

Don’t let success of others bog you or failure of other feed your ego, grow in your pace and growth should be continual and never stop learning. Some of your friends will be more successful, earning double the amount you earn, advancing in relations, galloping in life but that shouldn’t make you feel less of person you are. Remember, do not compare yourself to them and make your life miserable. You have your own pace, only you need to match with your own steps.

Often, late at nights, you will find yourself wide awake questioning “What the hell am I doing? Where the hell is my life leading?” Do not freak out, having uncertainties show that you are aware of ambiguity of life.

You have finally levelled up your game and you will be your own in-charge. You will be solely responsible for every action, you be held accountable for everything you do and sometimes, things you don’t do also.  Nothing to worry about as you are mature enough to handle like a boss.

You will make a smooth (sarcasm) transition from worrying about good grades to paying bills on time. You will graduate from watching those Korean Dramas as well to venture into DIY and culinary videos on YouTube.

On Finances: Settling and saving at the same time will almost look like an impossible thing but you just have to plan and start saving. It will be tempting to buy anything that catches your eyes but impulse shopping will leave you more broke than you were in college. Be generous with yourself, never extravagant.

But most importantly, you will be liberatingly independent. Fiercely independent, a luxury of freedom you have been always yearning for. Enjoy this phase before 30s phase start kicking off.

Monday, April 8, 2019

Reviving Blogging


Blogging was a rage then, I used to check now and then for the updates from fellow bloggers and it never disappointed me. Whenever I refreshed the reading lists, there used to be new updates. Time has changed since then, after almost a year or two break from blogging, looks like almost all the bloggers I used to ardently follow left or are hardly active. So, I am not only the one who lost touch with the world of blogging. Only couple of posts from few bloggers surfaces on the reading list. I was curious enough to check individual blogs hoping its some technical glitch and error with my settings for no updates. Sadly, it is not as majority of them last updated a year or two ago and few domain doesn’t even exist.

There is a strange ache of loss and longing for wanting to see them writing again. Then, I realize moving on is the way of life. We can never hold on to past and block the inevitable future or mess the present. We must learn to accept the truth. Sooner, the better. What happened to us? Did really living and responsibilities engulfed our passion? Reality check; the work pressure, social and domestic responsibilities, family time and at an end of a day, we hardly have a time to spare to write. We are exhausted, aren’t we? The cycle plays on loop and blogging got sidelined. Well, that’s what happened to me plus I didn’t have anything meaningful to write. Not worthy of publishing even if I managed to scribble. Not that it makes sense now but I am trying to do what gives me a joy. It has always been my escape and it always will be, for that sole reason, I am reviving blogging.

People blog for different reasons and for me, it has always been personal. I am kind of weird, I wouldn’t say half the things I write. I expressed well through writing. If I have to say, words get clogged on throat and feeble heart gave away. Not a vocal person but if I am given a liberty to express in writing, I can go on and on, like Rachel Green of F.R.I.E.N.D.S sitcom, can write 16 pages letter  front and back.

Past couple of years after graduation have been roller coaster ride both professionally and personally. I have shelved myself in and cut all the ties from the world. I just wanted a lone time to figure and understand the meaning of life. Quite a quest (laugh), am yet to get the answer but I got redirected to path of enjoying the process of living. Getting too philosophical? Yay, stop me but that’s the reason I am blogging, to share the journey and learning from the life. Take anything that comes on your way, it teaches us many valuable lessons. I am still a lost soul finding way back home but can safely say that am better than the person I was yesterday. Each day, I am trying best to be better version of myself. Hope I will rise above ground and I have many things to learn. Being positive to be positive towards everything.

Writing is a haven for my soul, and blogging shelters it.

Saturday, April 6, 2019

The Change (Job)


I snuggle in a blanket, a book in hand but barely reading. I struggle to read and give up to my straining eyes and distractions.  I was a voracious reader then; reading was something I greatly enjoyed. During schooldays I used to stay whole night reading under a torchlight, hiding novel under table and reading during evening prayer time, I read almost all the short stories, poems or essays in English textbook before teacher taught in the class. I used to make a mental note of differences of what I grasped before and after teacher explained. I didn’t perform exceptionally well but I did okay, more than scoring big, I enjoyed. Note it, I enjoyed and now I closed the book because I can’t focus and didn’t enjoy reading at the moment. I might mechanically read but essence of words and messages it has refuse to seep in. The simple verb ‘enjoy’ has made me chase a wild goose.

I believe ‘doing what you love or loving what you do.’ The life can be hard and choices even harder but why cry and die every day doing you hate the most? It is ok to be little selfish and choose your happiness above others. You don’t have to kill your dreams every time to fulfill other’s goals. Don’t put everything at stake for a job that will replace you tomorrow if you die today. That doesn’t mean you stop working, you have to give your best effort for the amount you are paid at the end a month. Work but learn to enjoy and love your work. If it seems impossible, be brave enough to walk away. It is not always easy but you have to do the best for yourself. Four years three jobs, people question my loyalty and they think I am fickle. Come on, you live once and if you are complaining and whining every day, you ought to change something; either it is your mentality or environment. I don’t settle for less; I chose to pamper myself with happiness and love.  

The recent job I left because I was becoming complacent like everyone. I didn’t see growth in myself and most importantly I didn’t enjoy the work. I didn’t just walk away because I didn’t enjoy the work. I tried and gave my best effort in past two years. I have worked really hard in fact like a donkey but somewhere, something was pulling me back instead to pushing forward. Day by day, I started to sulk in and was drowning in frustration which were leading me to anxiety. I reached dead-end of my part there, even if I stayed, I lost all hope of bouncing back from the pit I was thrown to. I was in a dilemma whether to stick around to rot or walk away to save myself.

At this critical juncture of my career, my father stood like a solid rock pillar letting me know that he has my back even if I fall. I owe him big for this, had it not been for his continual support, I might be still there; cursing and dying every second. He gave me the freedom to walk free and choose what I want. I feel lucky and grateful.

And I wonder, if I didn’t have liberty to choose my happiness, would I be still there? That’s so unlikely me, my heart might have caused riot for suppressing it. Change for good, change for yourself. Everyone deserve the best, go for it, folks!

Enjoy!!!

Tuesday, March 19, 2019

Us

As confused as you are
I am no better
Yet, every time I look at us
I know something good is on our way
And it is worth every wait.
I am not good with words
Neither you are with expression
Yet we manage to understand
Like you tell the half
And I complete the rest. 

One More Song


Darling!
Can I sing one more song?
And let my heart dance in joys
Of a celebration of all the stars aligned
And their victory in bringing them together.

Darling!
Can I paint their union once more?
Of them under a willow tree, holding hands
Lost in each other in the name of star gazing
With the vibrant colors of love.

Darling!
Can I write one more poem?
And let world know how lovers make me feel.
So beautiful, magical, surreal and ethereal,
And words fall short to define the beauty of love.




Monday, March 18, 2019

Writing Again!


Hello! A soft knock on screen and hesitant fingers on a keyboard as I gather my dying confidence to write again. The excuses not to write mounted for days, extending to weeks, months and a year, I need to stop before it trolls to decade then forever.

How I started?

Why did I start writing then? A timid college girl was more confident behind screen then, writing was an escape from the real world. A solace I found to keep myself sane. Looking back, I can safely say that writing was a real savior. The adrenaline rush I had when I made my first post public, waiting for the judgement and criticism to seep in, of course, nothing big happened as people hardly read what I wrote. That didn’t defer my confidence to write all shitty stuffs as I went on to write shittier stuffs. Writing and making it public was huge step for an introvert person, I was baring my soul through it. I was letting people see what I actually felt. A naive girl in pursuit of solace wrote without caring the content or grammar, not that this-not-so-naive woman now, heck care about the rules of writing a meaningful proof read article with embroidery grammar decorated in poetic language.

An escape plan perfectly worked out and I found myself at ease when I was writing. There was this undeniable subtle joy in expressing without interruption, being able to say what I felt and had it been not for writing, all hell must have broken loose with a dying soul. The weight of suppressing your thoughts catapult in the form of emotional outburst and breakdown. And I am not really good with emotional stuffs.

Writing was another excuse I gave myself not to study, the price for which I am still paying. Not that I am complaining, because if I did something right then, this is it, the blogging. To write again is to feel the adrenaline rush again as I hear loud thud in left chest as if the heart is beating for the right reason again. Like a lost child, I am finding my way back home. Scared of wandering for so long but I know I am always welcomed.

Those meaningless time consuming cringy articles, romantic short stories, emotional prose and poems on loop, I may not be very proud but am definitely not ashamed of what I wrote. If I have learned anything over time, it is to accept ourselves with our flaws. Acceptance and self-love is the best gift we can give ourselves.

Writing held me tight during the hard times, celebrated all the joys and inked the best moments down the memory lane and brought the best thing in my life. The only way to be grateful for all beautiful things writing gave me is to write again.

Monday, June 25, 2018

Losing a Son


Will I ever know the pain of a father losing a son at his prime adolescence? I might understand but can never feel his pain. Seeing him broken makes me feel that the god has been little harsh this time by taking the son; leaving pain and despair for family. The fact that they couldn’t even get his remains aggravate the loss. The real loss, no one really saw it coming.

One unfortunate day, a father gets call from unknown number informing that his son has been washed away by the river, and the search team has been sent to retrieve a ‘body’. Numb with the news, the choice of word ‘body’ pricks his sense with the possible truth that his son is no longer alive. Wails from home reverberated in the valley, gathered crowd couldn’t lessen the pain. While the mother and daughter cries their heart out, father scold them that their son is still alive, praying it to be true. Who was he trying to fool, them or his every broken pieces? He tried his best to stand firm, it broke us to see him crying like a baby while pretending to wash his face. He couldn’t even grieve openly, that’s how men usually are.

His son has kept everything intact at home, with the promise to return home. A promise he failed to keep; he specifically ask his mother to keep his favorite Chelsea jersey, it is still hanging on wall while ‘buray gho’ they have ordered for his graduation is still lying in the cupboard. He is gone too soon to be true, a father says. Had he known that he will be gone this soon, he wished he hugged him tight during his last departure and said how much he loves him.

They couldn’t even get to see the body to say a proper farewell. The alienation and desolation speaks a volume about his loss. His smile no longer reaches his eyes. Time was supposed to fill and heal the loss, however with every passing day, the burden of losing a son seems to weigh him down; gnawing from inside as his bone are projecting outside.

Whenever, someone calls ‘Dorji’, he turns back to see the person and always wish him to be his son. The undeniable hope and then despair is visible to whole universe, longing for his son continues. We might forget with the time but will he? I think there should have been proper closure for them to say goodbye to each other.

Women in 20s