At the beginning of 2015, when everyone was making thousand and one resolutions welcoming new year, I openly didn’t made any but silently vowed to post 100 articles on my blog. A silent vow which failed to raise its voice and claim its right by remaining subdued under the chaos of the life. A promise I couldn’t keep myself, what can others expect from me? Do I owe any explanation to anyone or honestly to myself? Not likely because I might defend to justify myself in front of world with unending lists of explanation and the good world might do something stupid like believing in those but how can I fool the soul in me who knows the truth. I might be able to fool the world but not the person within me who daily watches my deed and keeps record of it. If I do something out of boundary of humanity, she constantly brags about it until I am weighed down the guilt (she makes sure I feel it, in case I forget). I can escape from the tiniest hole from the world but she never lets me, she is good at her works. She makes sure I get what I deserve, be it anything. Silently, she makes me and breaks me too, depending on the situation but she does what is needed. The fool in me often comes out with the ideas of thousand blunders but she screens and discards all, and the battle begins between us. Most of the time, she wins but sometimes I get lucky but I always regret for winning. For my win back fire me and stab in the place where it hurts more.

2015, I am sorry for the every disappointment you got to see in me, for every ugliness I showed to you, for every promises I couldn’t keep, for every little stupid mistakes I made and for not being a person I ought to be. But keeping all the apologies and guilt behind, I thank 2015 for every beautiful lesson I learned, for every moment I engraved in life, for every support you rendered, for every love I could feel and the remarkable presence and changes you made in my life.

More importantly, I am grateful to the voice in me who always keep me on the track. I have guardian within me who will never let me down, a person whom I can trust with my closed eyes because she has a clear vision, better understanding and in depth maturity that I lack.

*laughing out loud…stupid laugh* I don’t know what rubbish am I writing now? It doesn’t make sense, it wasn’t supposed to. Anything that makes sense is for those who care but fools like me sometimes just don’t care, as simple as that.

Sorry 2015, what I say isn’t what I feel but what I write is exactly how I feel. Am I making sense? *smirk*

The songs in me sing loud
When the sky above is all cloud.
The heart in me beats real fast
When the spell of charm you cast.
For the confused soul so impure
You were the gracing cure.
The love in me spread wide
When you are by my side.

Like a melody in a song,
Fire in the winter,
The warmth in the cold,
Or the chill in the summer
You are my saving grace.


The songs in me sing loud
When the sky above is all cloud.
The heart in me beats real fast
When the spell of charm you cast.
For the confused soul so impure
You were the gracing cure.
The love in me spread wide
When you are by my side.

N.B: Tried writing song for the first time. Waiting for Taylor Swift to sing...lol..just kidding.

Who will cry when you die?

Yes! A book by my all-time favorite Robin Sharma but I am yet to venture into the beautiful journey.  Yet I find myself wondering who will cry when I die? Will you?

The tittle triggers the memories from the Korean melodrama ’49 Days’ I watched in 2012. Forgive me; I am not very good with the names. So here it goes like this, a protagonist, a girl of twenty something meet with life changing car accident just before an engagement or a wedding (my bad, I forgot). There, she is clinging between life and a death but a messenger of death, Scheduler as he calls himself give her a time of 49 days to complete a task. A simple task to collect three drops of tears genuinely shed for her from three different person excluding families and kin. A task, when completed, she will be able to live, if not she has to die. Just three drops of tears, sounds ridiculously easy right? Include me, I thought so too.

As the story unfolds and days counted, she discovers that the tears people shed for her were just in the sake of expectations of the society. People she loves were with her due to some ulterior motives. A heartbreaking journey to collect just three drops of tears will definitely make you genuinely shed true tears for a girl in the screen. She will make you wish that your tears can be counted to save her. While she lost the hope of survival from the betrayal from the loved ones, I couldn’t help standing in her shoes and questioning myself. The questions remain here; will she succeed to complete a given task in just 49 days?

I was wondering if I die, will there be anyone who will cry with the genuine feelings of lost? Will they miss my presence, yearn to hear my laugh, see me play and crack joke with them? Will people miss me when I am gone?

Who will cry when I die, will you?

What will the sky say?
When it sees the vastness
Of my thought stretches
Far beyond thy reach
To the end of the east
And the beginning of the quest
In a never ending circle
Of the journey to the west.
What will the night say?
To sees the universe in me
Darker and more beautiful
Than the twinkling stars,
Lighting the whole milky way
And touching the souls
More than the stars in the sky.
What will the sky say?
When the limit it sets
Is broken by the reach
Of my thoughts that streches
Far beyond thy reach
To the bound less world
Of imagination.

#poem #beautifulpiece by a #friend

From the day I saw you,
To the day I felt you in me,
My heart pounds in solace,
For my heart seeks salvation in you.

I dare not to pursue you,
For I have my essence longing to have you,
To feel the warmth of your love and grace,
For my heart seeks salvation in you.

The chill breeze brings in your whisper,
Drowns my heart in the well of love,
And reminds me, "she is the one"
For my heart seeks salvation in you.

N.B: Romeo, I pray that you get your Juliet soon. Sorry, couldn't help posting. It is such a beautiful piece. Good Luck 😜

“There she goes a manipulative gold digger.” A woman in late thirties wearing a floral maxi carrying a blue carry bag retorted. Finely made up and stylishly dressed for her age.

“Oh! Is she the one? No doubt she looks young.” Another compatible woman said thoroughly scrutinizing her through an oversized Ray Ban glass with a disapproved look.

“Heard she is younger than his youngest son.” They went on while pretending to pick necessary items from the rack.

“Tsk tsk…this generation girls! We can never fathom what they are up to. He is old enough as her father.”

“Shhhh…she might hear us.” One with glasses on whispered loudly.

“Heard he funded all her education expanses and all.” It looked like they wanted her to hear everything.

“People should live with class irrespective of bank balance.” A maxi dressed said checking her make up in the mirror on the wall.

“Her circumstances might have forced her to take such a filthy decision. Aeii…she is such a beauty.” She said adjusting her glass.

“What a waste. She might have used her beauty to lure an old man. Instead she could easily work in a movie with face like that.” There was a no indication of stopping this.

“What a big bad world?” they said their favorite line in unison and giggled like a high school girls.

She heard it all. Wasn’t it their intention? On impulse, she wanted to walk out from the grocery but she stayed. After all why should she? She did nothing wrong. She had to hear it all for better or the worst. Trust me, she had been called worse.

Can relationship between a man and woman be ever holier in the eyes of society? Before knowing the inside story, they provide their judgment and seal the verdict.  She has another story to tell, a real one but what’s the use, they will believe what they always wanted to. They just need something to talk while sipping a coffee, walking to home or while hanging out together.

She can’t shut all the mouth but she can close her ear. Indeed it was a big bad world with small mind. Little did world know that while pointing an index finger towards other, rest of the fingers pointed to them.

An entry on the Diary from 3rd August, 2015

When I swap the screen of cell with my index finger to the right, it reads boldly 5:48am, too early for me to wake up; I am and never was a morning person. I have been literally awake an hour ago; figuring, scrutinizing, inspecting and dissecting every possible nook and corner of my life. I tell you; dawn thoughts can be dangerous. Like I want to break free, suddenly there was this intense urge to get an immediate tattoo on the left wrist. A tattoo! Literally, a permanent image, pattern or word on the skin which is created by using needles to put colors under the skin. An idea of the tattoo never appealed me then or now but I want it so badly now.

A tattoo of a crescent moon with a legible yet mysterious inscription on it, sounds cool nah? A crescent moon shall represent the new phase of another beginning and change of a life like transition I am going through now. A beautiful yet mysterious transition I am anticipating now. Beautiful because each moment of the life is beautiful and has its own significance. And mysterious because life don’t come announcing, what and when it might reveal its faces, we can never fathom. Life will never be the same, it wasn’t supposed to. A legible inscription of ‘alys be happy’ will be written on the crescent moon. ‘Always’ is cut short into ‘alys’ because I am afraid it might not fit in crescent moon.

I don’t know I will get a tattoo or not but before this madness of wanting to get a tattoo vanish in the air, I wanted to enter into the journal of my life. That’s why; I grabbed the pen and a diary and immediately start writing. That’s the way how I always tattoo the moments of my life, each day.  

How sad for the tree
To let the wind sway
Its leaves left and right,
North and south, without its will.

How sad for the tree 
To let the beautiful birds
Take refuge on its branch
And abandon without a notice.

How sad for the tree
To stand whole life on the same place
And only time they travel
Is after they are cut down.