The Rose

Source: Google

I am the rose, supposed to bloom in a glossy jar

You can hear my cry, from the far.

How am I supposed to bloom, when I am sealed?

How could you not see, when I am not able to conceal?

 

They say they love me yet imprison my soul

How could loving be so cruel?

They hail my beauty yet strangle my right

I live thousand deaths making their life bright.

 

I am the rose that will never raise

Yet they will admire and praise.

The red and the most beautiful in a garden

They say but red as I bleed with a burden.

Reviving Blogging

Pic: Pinterest

Blogging was a rage then, I used to check now and then for the updates from fellow bloggers and it never disappointed me. Whenever I refreshed the reading lists, there used to be new updates. Time has changed since then, after almost a year or two break from blogging, looks like almost all the bloggers I used to ardently follow left or are hardly active. So, I am not only the one who lost touch with the world of blogging. Only couple of posts from few bloggers surfaces on the reading list. I was curious enough to check individual blogs hoping its some technical glitch and error with my settings for no updates. Sadly, it is not as majority of them last updated a year or two ago and few domain doesn’t even exist.

There is a strange ache of loss and longing for wanting to see them writing again. Then, I realize moving on is the way of life. We can never hold on to past and block the inevitable future or mess the present. We must learn to accept the truth. Sooner, the better. What happened to us? Did really living and responsibilities engulfed our passion? Reality check; the work pressure, social and domestic responsibilities, family time and at an end of a day, we hardly have a time to spare to write. We are exhausted, aren’t we? The cycle plays on loop and blogging got sidelined. Well, that’s what happened to me plus I didn’t have anything meaningful to write. Not worthy of publishing even if I managed to scribble. Not that it makes sense now but I am trying to do what gives me a joy. It has always been my escape and it always will be, for that sole reason, I am reviving blogging.

People blog for different reasons and for me, it has always been personal. I am kind of weird, I wouldn’t say half the things I write. I expressed well through writing. If I have to say, words get clogged on throat and feeble heart gave away. Not a vocal person but if I am given a liberty to express in writing, I can go on and on, like Rachel Green of F.R.I.E.N.D.S sitcom, can write 16 pages letter  front and back.

Past couple of years after graduation have been roller coaster ride both professionally and personally. I have shelved myself in and cut all the ties from the world. I just wanted a lone time to figure and understand the meaning of life. Quite a quest (laugh), am yet to get the answer but I got redirected to path of enjoying the process of living. Getting too philosophical? Yay, stop me but that’s the reason I am blogging, to share the journey and learning from the life. Take anything that comes on your way, it teaches us many valuable lessons. I am still a lost soul finding way back home but can safely say that am better than the person I was yesterday. Each day, I am trying best to be better version of myself. Hope I will rise above ground and I have many things to learn. Being positive to be positive towards everything.

Writing is a haven for my soul, and blogging shelters it.

The Change (Job)

Picture: Google

I snuggle in a blanket, a book in hand but barely reading. I struggle to read and give up to my straining eyes and distractions.  I was a voracious reader then; reading was something I greatly enjoyed. During schooldays I used to stay whole night reading under a torchlight, hiding novel under table and reading during evening prayer time, I read almost all the short stories, poems or essays in English textbook before teacher taught in the class. I used to make a mental note of differences of what I grasped before and after teacher explained. I didn’t perform exceptionally well but I did okay, more than scoring big, I enjoyed. Note it, I enjoyed and now I closed the book because I can’t focus and didn’t enjoy reading at the moment. I might mechanically read but essence of words and messages it has refuse to seep in. The simple verb ‘enjoy’ has made me chase a wild goose.

I believe ‘doing what you love or loving what you do.’ The life can be hard and choices even harder but why cry and die every day doing you hate the most? It is ok to be little selfish and choose your happiness above others. You don’t have to kill your dreams every time to fulfill other’s goals. Don’t put everything at stake for a job that will replace you tomorrow if you die today. That doesn’t mean you stop working, you have to give your best effort for the amount you are paid at the end a month. Work but learn to enjoy and love your work. If it seems impossible, be brave enough to walk away. It is not always easy but you have to do the best for yourself. Four years three jobs, people question my loyalty and they think I am fickle. Come on, you live once and if you are complaining and whining every day, you ought to change something; either it is your mentality or environment. I don’t settle for less; I chose to pamper myself with happiness and love.  

The recent job I left because I was becoming complacent like everyone. I didn’t see growth in myself and most importantly I didn’t enjoy the work. I didn’t just walk away because I didn’t enjoy the work. I tried and gave my best effort in past two years. I have worked really hard in fact like a donkey but somewhere, something was pulling me back instead to pushing forward. Day by day, I started to sulk in and was drowning in frustration which were leading me to anxiety. I reached dead-end of my part there, even if I stayed, I lost all hope of bouncing back from the pit I was thrown to. I was in a dilemma whether to stick around to rot or walk away to save myself.

At this critical juncture of my career, my father stood like a solid rock pillar letting me know that he has my back even if I fall. I owe him big for this, had it not been for his continual support, I might be still there; cursing and dying every second. He gave me the freedom to walk free and choose what I want. I feel lucky and grateful.

And I wonder, if I didn’t have liberty to choose my happiness, would I be still there? That’s so unlikely me, my heart might have caused riot for suppressing it. Change for good, change for yourself. Everyone deserve the best, go for it, folks!

Enjoy!!!