An Escape from Life
By Tshering Chekii - May 23, 2017
Last
December, I quit both my job and relationship because I wasn’t happy. It made
sense in every way, I didn’t find a reason to live by compromising with my
happiness. I simply walked away from things that made me unhappy. I realized I am
good at walking away. But how long and far will I walk away from the people and
things? I wrapped up things with my job and love, packed and came to place to
start a new life. Fast forward six months, new things aren’t new anymore and I am
not happy. I was wrong, changing place and people will not change unless I
change myself. But staying in one place for long sickens me. A fresh start won’t
help unless you are that old whining you. I am constantly questioning myself “What
do I want?”, “Happiness” Is an instant answer. Is it too much to ask for? I don’t
think I am reasonably being unreasonable by asking for it. What is happiness?
There, you see I get stuck, I don’t know what happiness is? Nothing scares me
more than not knowing what makes me happy.
Recent
visit to Dungkhar in the locality had me there for long time even after I
returned to my place. While going up to the place, I felt the feeling I never
felt before. I was so contented walking, it was like I was a different person
at that junction; calm, peaceful and happy person. That moment was a rare combo persona
of myself. I didn’t feel like returning. It is a possible choice if I ever
escaped this so called living.
Another
escape would be owning a library of my own. I will never have enough books
provided those borrowed books are returned to me on time. I bury my weekend by
snuggling in a blanket reading books. This is my kind of solace from the work
and life. I recently asked my friend “Is there any kind of job that will pay me
for reading?” “Be a writer.” She said. I
thought ‘Only if writing is as easy reading’. Why do I escape from the real
world and transit in virtual world? A simple answer is ‘I am so tired of fake
people around.’ People are scary, vicious, manipulative and cruel. Now you see the
reason why I can’t trust people easily. I met my share of people to know enough
that human are so unpredictable. So, people outside and books inside is my
philosophy of life. If I can’t travel across the globe, let me know the world
through books. One day I will sum up my courage, wrap up so called existing in
the name of living and start living in a real sense, doing what I really love
even if it is difficult.
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