At the beginning of 2015, when everyone was making thousand and one resolutions welcoming new year, I openly didn’t made any but silently vowed to post 100 articles on my blog. A silent vow which failed to raise its voice and claim its right by remaining subdued under the chaos of the life. A promise I couldn’t keep myself, what can others expect from me? Do I owe any explanation to anyone or honestly to myself? Not likely because I might defend to justify myself in front of world with unending lists of explanation and the good world might do something stupid like believing in those but how can I fool the soul in me who knows the truth. I might be able to fool the world but not the person within me who daily watches my deed and keeps record of it. If I do something out of boundary of humanity, she constantly brags about it until I am weighed down the guilt (she makes sure I feel it, in case I forget). I can escape from the tiniest hole from the world but she never lets me, she is good at her works. She makes sure I get what I deserve, be it anything. Silently, she makes me and breaks me too, depending on the situation but she does what is needed. The fool in me often comes out with the ideas of thousand blunders but she screens and discards all, and the battle begins between us. Most of the time, she wins but sometimes I get lucky but I always regret for winning. For my win back fire me and stab in the place where it hurts more.

2015, I am sorry for the every disappointment you got to see in me, for every ugliness I showed to you, for every promises I couldn’t keep, for every little stupid mistakes I made and for not being a person I ought to be. But keeping all the apologies and guilt behind, I thank 2015 for every beautiful lesson I learned, for every moment I engraved in life, for every support you rendered, for every love I could feel and the remarkable presence and changes you made in my life.

More importantly, I am grateful to the voice in me who always keep me on the track. I have guardian within me who will never let me down, a person whom I can trust with my closed eyes because she has a clear vision, better understanding and in depth maturity that I lack.

*laughing out loud…stupid laugh* I don’t know what rubbish am I writing now? It doesn’t make sense, it wasn’t supposed to. Anything that makes sense is for those who care but fools like me sometimes just don’t care, as simple as that.

Sorry 2015, what I say isn’t what I feel but what I write is exactly how I feel. Am I making sense? *smirk*