It Never Felt Same Again
By Tshering Chekii - April 10, 2014
A gentle breeze lightly
brushed my bare arm reminding that I had stood long enough staring at the view
of my village without actually looking at it. A place where I truly belong right from the
beginning, seems nothing had changed; its serenity of the place, the freshness
of the air, empowering clear sky, refreshing warmth of natural greenery but I
knew it was no longer the same village I loved visiting during vacation.
Unlike every year I
no longer felt the enthusiasm to go to village as I knew that you will no
longer hug me on my surprise arrival, I rather slowed my pace to prepare myself
to endure your absence. Memey was just
back from fetching water. There was a fire in the oven but no warmth inside the
home. There was no usual tempting smell from kitchen and I didn’t bother to check
every pot to see what’s there inside.
Your absence screamed at us; the dangling cobweb from the ceiling, the accumulated dust in the corner, the unwashed dishes in the sink, piles of clothes dumped on the bed and the mostly in the sunken eyes of Memey which kept searching the silhouette of you in our eyes.
Your absence screamed at us; the dangling cobweb from the ceiling, the accumulated dust in the corner, the unwashed dishes in the sink, piles of clothes dumped on the bed and the mostly in the sunken eyes of Memey which kept searching the silhouette of you in our eyes.
Like every year all
aunts and uncles came to village for winter get-to-gather but it never felt
same without you. I couldn’t play pranks to cousins knowing that you are not
there to protect me if mother beats me. I didn’t sleep well on first night as I
missed your warm cuddle and the story you used to tell. I didn’t hear the usual
loud snoring of Memey we used to make fun of, and I wondered was he awake
like me? Memey acted normal in every possible way he could but his eyes
betray him as there was a hint of longing for you.
All the grownups were
unusually silent. Nobody talked about you knowing the intensity of the pain
they had to endure without breaking in front of each other. Unlike every year,
we didn’t take a family photograph that year as we knew that our family was incomplete
without you.
Achingly time fled quickly
and we had to return to our places to resume the journey of our life. Abi, you said that I inherited the stubbornness from Memey but I had
never been stubborn in my life like him at that moment. We all insisted that,
for a change he should come and stay with us. He adamantly said no and didn’t
move an inch from where he stood. He said you hate loneliness. Every year when
we went from the village after get-to-gather, he said you cried for whole day
and wouldn’t sleep properly at night and ate rarely. He said “If I go now with
you all and if your Abi visits house in my absence, she will be very
disappointed and sad to find an empty house.”
At that moment, every
members of the family cried releasing the accumulated pain and infants cried
because elder were crying.
That was the last
family winter get-to-gather I witnessed. After that nobody came home during
winter giving thousand reasons why they couldn’t come but I knew that it’s
because of only reason ‘your absence’. It’s
more than 8 years since you left us but we still miss you. Rest in peace, Abi
_/\_
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